THEME: KNOCK YOURSELF OUT
TITLE: “WHEN THE PRAYING STOPS”
Written by Ntsarane Nelson Molapo
The chorus had everybody swaying and dancing to the melodic voices of the congregation and the choir, accompanied by the simultaneous rhythmic clapping of hands and the beating of drums. Other members had bell-shaped metal items that they struck with another metal producing their own spice to the mix. The music prepared the congregation mentally and spiritually for the sermon that would be delivered by their leader later. It whipped up emotions and got everyone into an almost uncontrollable frenzy. It drove some members to act like they were in a trance, in their own world! The atmosphere was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.
The resident priest, Pastor Sipho Selwane, stayed with his wife and two daughters in an exclusive area that was popularly referred to as the “Billionaires Playground”. Its real name was Serenity. In contrast to the outbuildings in Pastor Selwane’s estate, the house itself was a modern, imposing three-storey building. To complete the picture of opulence that one senses as soon as one enters through the large electrical gates, there’s a long driveway, lined with tall trees on both sides. The majestic house stands a further five hundred meters away. Next to it is a large pool that shows water flowing into a lake adjacent to the property but surprisingly, the pool never empties!
The pastor was a snazzy dresser. He believed in flaunting his expensive fashion taste in everyone’s face. Known to wear top international brands, his trademark among his peers was that he would never mix brands. Whenever he wanted to feel special, which was almost always, he would, on a certain day choose to wear for example only, Gucci or Versace or Louis Vuitton etc. Therefore, on that day, he would wear only that brand, from head to toe! In jewellery, he wasn’t a fan of wearing neck chains or wrist bands. His taste in watches was top notch. In this category, three names dominated – Tag Heuer, Cartier and Rolex. Whenever he needed “go kgalemela lenyatso”, he would wear one of these, knowing very well that they were bound to turn a few heads!
Even though Pastor Sipho was more into bikes than cars, his choice of four-wheeled vehicles was intended to make an immediate impression. He owned only four cars, among them a Porsche Panamera and a Mercedes Maybach S Class. He also had five motor bikes ranging from a BMW to a Harley Davidson. Whenever he felt like clearing his head, he would get onto one of these and as soon as he was clear of the city traffic, he would push the engine to full throttle and enjoy the thrill of adrenalin rushing through his body! All this and much, much more sums up Pastor Sipho’s life. It is a fact that most men of the cloth are poorer than church mice, so “How did this pastor get it right?”
On this day, like in most other days, the large building of the church was packed to capacity. As the singing continued, Mfundisi stood holding the pulpit with both hands, slightly leaning forward with an almost invisible smile pasted on his lips. He was waiting for the critical moment when all resistance would be driven from everyone when he brings up the issue of “Giving to the Lord”. Years of practice had taught him to pick just the right moment to get the greatest financial results from his flock. When the moment arrived, he knew.
In a calculated and well-rehearsed move, he dropped his head to his chest and raised his hand with the palm open and slowly clenched it into a fist, signaling that the music must stop. The sermon that he delivered was hard hitting and could literally have caused blood to pour out of a stone. Mfundisi Sipho Selwane was at his element and some people were moved to tears. He spoke with a well-modulated rough and emotionally charged voice. As he was nearing the end of his sermon, he said:
“Brothers and sisters, you are nothing without the mercy of God. HALLELUYAH!”
Response: “A-M-E-N!!!”
“God wants to bless you. But many of you cheat God. AMEN!!!”
Response: “A-M-E-N!!!”
“Even though you want God to bless you abundantly, but when it is your turn to give to Him abundantly, you only give Him small change, AMEN!”
Response: “A-M-E-N!!!”
“By how much do you want God to bless you today?”
The people opened their arms wide above their heads, indicating the size of the blessing they wanted!
“HALLELUYAH!!”
Response: “A-M-E-N!!!”
“Come forward and give God your ALL and He in turn will give you His ALL!!!”
With that, he motioned with his hands for the people to come forward and deposit their offerings into the four large cane baskets at the front. Someone burst into a new chorus and everybody joined in, proudly waving stacks of bank notes in the air as they surged forward. Pastor Selwane moved from behind the pulpit and stood watching as his flock filled up the baskets with cash. Just when it looked like it was coming to the end, another moving chorus erupted. It grew in intensity and engulfed the worshippers with ‘umoya’ until they were dripping with sweat.
Mfundisi announced that the day was his birthday. Amid the congratulatory ululating and clapping of hands, the pastor again beckoned the congregation to come and make more offerings. Everyone danced their way to the front and dropped some more bundles of bank notes into the baskets.
Almost unnoticed, a man quietly came into the building through one of the side doors. He was carrying a large gift-type paper bag that was straining under the weight of whatever was inside. When he got to the front, he insisted on handing it directly to the pastor as it was his birthday gift. He then took his place in the back row and joined in the singing. After about ten minutes he quietly slipped out without drawing any attention.
Finally, when he was convinced that everyone had come more than once to the front, Pastor Selwane signaled to two muscled young men and two young women, to pick up the baskets! The one girl’s looks had a way of catching one’s attention without much effort. She had what one could call aggressive beauty. She had a tough looking jaw-line which resembled that of a boxer who had taken a few serious blows in the ring. As the frenzied singing continued, the pastor quietly slipped behind the curtain, shepherding the fortune bearers to a room at the back. The foursome was part of the team of ushers that directs people to their seats when they arrive for the service. But they also had an added responsibility of attending to every whim and wish of Pastor Selwane.
During and after the offering, the strong-men, Lefika and Tornado, who were always armed to the teeth, double up as bodyguards, ensuring the safety of the man of God, and also as security guards for the cash. The girls, Nqobile and Nompilo, were at the beck and call of ntate Mfundisi. Whenever he needed any or both of them, they were always at hand. Nobody really knew the scope or limit of their duties and nobody asked! The four comprised what is known as the inner circle, with Mfundisi holding the center.
The church service wound down and Mfundisi gave the last prayer dismissing the congregants. He then mingled with them and chit-chatted with those who wanted his attention. Slowly the chattering died down and the place appeared empty except for the four of them. They then converged in a secluded room at the back of the building to count the day’s takings. When he was satisfied that every cent had been accounted for, Pastor Sipho pulled out four A5 sized brown envelopes from his jacket and dropped them in front of each one of them. They all broke into loud ululating and praise-singing that bordered on worshipping the man.
After he told them to restrain themselves, he took the two women into a secluded room at the back. There, Nqobile and Nompilo immediately changed into plastic suits similar to those used by medical teams during the COVID-19 pandemic. Mfundisi came in carrying the “Gift” bag that was given to him earlier. It contained two “Brick” sized parcels sealed with black plastic. He took out another two similar bricks from a safe in the corner. The girls knew exactly what to do. They expertly peeled off the wrappings and started spreading the white powder on the foil that covered the table. Then they divided and weighed the stuff, making packages according to a list of orders brought by Mfundisi. He stood behind them, barking instructions:
“I want every gram accounted for, okay?!”
Later, Mfundisi went out into the large backyard where Lefika and Tornado, together with three other men, were busy with preparations for a large meal or party. On a large braai stand under a tree, meats of all kinds were hissing and sizzling under their watchful eyes. Drinks in large containers and buckets of ice could be seen everywhere.
The front gate and door were by now locked and for all intents and purposes the church building looked deserted. But the back of the property, which was hidden from the public, was a hive of activity. Top range vehicles were streaming in through a cleverly concealed entrance. Their occupants, ranging from early twenties and upwards in age, all dressed trendily, excitedly spilled out of the cars, greeting and chatting with each other as they entered the building. Within a few hours after the church service ended, the place had been transformed into a top-class den of iniquity, complete with strip dancers and pole dancers.
The sanctuary of the church was now converted into a VIP area where the big spenders were accommodated. One could say that they had a ringside view. They were lounging in comfortable couches and chairs. Others sat comfortably on the floor. Most women were dressed to please the eye. High stiletto heels, skimpy dresses and bare-backed tops were the order of the day. Expensive drinks flowed freely and the sweet smell of incense that earlier permeated the area was now unceremoniously replaced by the pungent smell of Cuban cigars that eerily hung in the air.
At spaced intervals, the patrons would discreetly visit the back room where Nqobile and Nompilo had all their orders ready for collection. Some would first sit down and enjoy a sniff or a lick of the powdery stuff before collecting their orders. Pastor Sipho would occasionally take a walk around the building, making sure that every patron felt special and appreciated. He was a master in communication and people skills. Once he turned his charm on, very few people could resist him. He made his congregants to believe that they could reach the dizzy heights of success like him, if they gave as much as they could to the church. As a result, they emptied their pockets and bank balances, pinning their hope on him.
The pastor’s family knew how much he enjoyed their wholesome home-prepared meals, so they decided to do that for his birthday. After the service, they bought a few items and headed home. They knew from experience that Daddy had to finish God’s work first, before going home to attend to his own family needs. His wife had a special surprise birthday present for him. With her two daughters turning into teenagers soon, she had been praying to give them a sibling, hopefully a brother. God had finally answered her prayers and now she wanted to surprise her husband by announcing her pregnancy during dinner.
Archbishop Joseph Rademeyer was in charge of thirteen bishops that served under him. Among them was the aging Bishop Amos Zanempilo, to whom Pastor Selwane reported. These two had been watching the growth of both Pastor Selwane and his church. They were certain that when Bishop Zanempilo retires, Pastor Selwane would become bishop. After consulting some senior bishops, it was a done deal. They then decided to give Pastor Selwane the good tidings in person on his birthday!
Nothing beats spoiling oneself a little once in a while, right? Being his birthday, Pastor Selwane decided to let his hair down after seeing that his clandestine operation was going on perfectly. He was joking, laughing and was seen more than once in the center of a group of dancers, screaming: “Make the circle bigger!!!” all to the amusement of the workers and the patrons alike. With all inhibitions gone, it came as no surprise when, completely out of character, he started flirting indiscriminately with some women in the room.
Dusk was falling fast and the dinner preparations at home were spot-on. The large dinner table was being laid to accommodate about fifteen people. Archbishop Rademeyer pressed the buzzer at the gate and was let in. On arrival he explained that he could not get hold of Pastor Selwane and that from the gates of the church, the place looked deserted. Mrs. Selwane promptly invited the two clerics to stay for dinner, adding that they could meet with Pastor Selwane afterwards. The archbishop politely declined, saying that he had great news to deliver to the pastor without delay. Mrs. Selwane smiled and offered to take them to her husband.
Things were spiraling up to dizzy heights at the church, or was it an entertainment venue? From the drinks and assortment of substances that he took, Pastor Selwane felt like he was literally walking on clouds. And he liked it. Without any resistance, he allowed two beautiful girls to lead him to a large chair that was usually reserved for a bishop when he visits the church. It had a regal feel to it. They then put a paper crown on his head and gave him a scepter to complete his ascendency the throne. One girl ripped off his shirt, took out her red lipstick and wrote: “HBD MY KING!” on his chest! The other girl held a platter with white powder close to his face and handed him a R200 note rolled into a straw. He stuck it into his nostril and cleaned out one long line at a go! Smudges of the stuff were all over his nostrils. As he was about to plunge down for another pull, he heard the unmistakable voice of his wife screaming:
“Sipho wenzani?”
He slowly lifted his head up to see his beautiful wife, flanked by their daughters standing in front of him. Her face was a mixture of all the emotions put together. She was shaking like a leaf. The girls just cried! The two men of God stood there in disbelief. None of them could muster enough courage to say anything to Pastor Selwane! The pastor just stared at them!
Have you ever wondered what happens in your place of worship when the praying stops?
PUBLISH’D AFRIKA Magazine Facebook Short Story Competition is funded by the National Arts Council, Department of Sport, Arts and Culture and Presidential Employment Stimulus Programme 3
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